Zombie Apocolypse

Today, we went out to brunch with my extended family. Mr. A and I ended up sitting next to my sister’s huband (BIL) who happens to be a cop. I don’t know how it came up, but he told us in his spare time at work, he and several friends plan what they would do in case of Zombie Apocalypse or full societal collapse.

I thought he was joking, but he had an actual, logical sounding plan. I started pondering my own plan which largely involved begging my BIL to take us with him to the 100 acre compound he and his coworker have planned. We also discussed what skills and qualities will be needed.

Due to my recent semi-success at squirrel killing (don’t ask), my sturdy build (good for long periods of low food) and my moderate workable knowledge of some basic survival skills (mostly gleaned from reading the Hunger Games and Little House on the Prairie), I had a decent chance of being admitted to the compound. I also have a strong will to survive and would gladly resort to cannibalism if necessary, so my odds of making it through the first waves of casualties are fairly decent.

Poor Mr. A, though, had very little useful abilities to offer at the survival stage. The only thing we could think of in his Post-Apocalypse pro column was the fact that his sister is a doctor. If he brings her, there is a chance he could get in. His only other life skill is an ability to bike very long distances which might possibly be helpful for foraging (though no one was impressed with this skill). Mr. A does have a good amount of muscle if I need to eat a person, so maybe I would keep him around.

My BIL and I decided that my sister had very little to offer also. She is pretty skinny (bad news in food shortage times!), can’t cook or garden and has a pretty poor ability to control her temper when she is stressed. We figured she would implode and get expelled pretty quickly. My sister argued that she would be happy to hook her way around the compound to keep the men happy and earn her keep, which amused everyone except her husband.

I have been making my mental apocalypse plan all day.

Cary Milkweed

October 31, 2011 at 1:34 am · Reply

OMG, I plan for the zombie apocalypse ALL THE TIME. I figure we’ll hole up on my parent’s land, because we’d have our own well and would be pretty far away from the hoards of panicked city dwellers. Access to food would be a bit of a problem, but there would be guns and ammo and I’d be OK with eating a bunch of deer or squirrels.

You said you’d “gladly resort” to cannibalism, though. That’s freaky-deaky. Maybe I’m glad we live two states away now? ;’)

Rachel (Hounds in the Kitchen)

October 31, 2011 at 1:54 am · Reply

Haha! We have a zombie plan, doesn’t everyone?

Rachel (Hounds in the Kitchen)

October 31, 2011 at 1:57 am · Reply

Meant to add that in our house the apocalypse is referred to as “when the zombies attack”. As in, “Good thing we bought 10 pounds of rice today for when the zombies attack” or “I need this lead smelter to make bullets when the zombies attack” etc.
- AmericanFamily
  
  October 31, 2011 at 2:01 am · Reply
  
  I took note of your recent squirrel cooking advice…just in case.

fixermamma

i live in a concrete bunker… bring on the friggin zombies! but as for Mr. A., his ability to bike long distances = power to the man-powered generator. he can bike to light up the compound! (I always did have a soft spot for Mr. A)

Lilian

October 31, 2011 at 2:49 am · Reply

oh, that’s hilarious!! very timely too, with the holiday and all…

Krickett

October 31, 2011 at 11:10 am · Reply

I’d be SOL if I lost my glasses. Blind as a bat. That’s what I always think about when planning my survival!

AmericanFamily

October 31, 2011 at 12:13 pm · Reply

Last night, I was running through scenarios in my head and I realized the same thing. My glasses are in my top 10 list of things to grab!
- An
  
  October 31, 2011 at 8:23 pm · Reply
  
  I was at my parents’ house in Northridge during the 1994 earthquake. Because the earthquake overturned every single piece of furniture in my room, and it was still completely dark, I couldn’t find my glasses immediately and had to run out without them, and the next few hours sucked not being able to see. Soon after, I got laser surgery and don’t need to worry about that anymore (that should be part of your apocalypse plan, getting laser surgery).

Lori

October 31, 2011 at 11:50 am · Reply

I always figured that the knowledge gleaned from Little House on the Prairie books would also hold me in good stead in the event of an apocalypse. But I’d definitely keep my mom with me, since she has practical experience with things like slaughtering chickens.

carol

October 31, 2011 at 1:40 pm · Reply

I know where we will go, and who we will try to take with us (the kids’ martial arts instructors, my friend who is Oriental Medicine doctor and his wife the master gardener, for instance) Don’t have food stored up, though, or weapons.

Jody

October 31, 2011 at 5:17 pm · Reply

Tell me I’m not the only one every idly wondering who’ll land-grab the highway medians and guard their new-planted crops with machine guns….

Cheryl

October 31, 2011 at 6:01 pm · Reply

Did you know that the government is actually encouraging us to prepare for the zombie apocalypse? Check out this CDC page: http://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/preparedness-101-zombie-apocalypse/

Claire

October 31, 2011 at 7:48 pm · Reply

You might need that plan sooner than you thought… http://2.8hourslater.com/

PinkDevora

November 1, 2011 at 3:29 am · Reply

Oh, thank goodness, I’m not the only one. I always have a full pantry, but am always mentally scolding myself for not having more water and long shelf life MREs on hand (going to China gives me an excuse to buy more of these). One thought in the back of my head is heading for the hills and breaking into my BIL’s parent’s cabin. It’s not like they’d be using it.

And my skills from reading LHOP have *got* to be invaluable. Add to list of things to grab: Farmer Boy.

Oh, and you would all love “Dies The Fire” by S.M. Stirling.

Jess

November 2, 2011 at 12:24 am · Reply

My dad has a touch of the survival nut. He is a doctor and he studied epidemiology in college and he definetly got freaked during the swine flu epidemic, and sent me all this advice about survival. I think my chances are middling, I too am blind without my glasses but I know how to use a gun, am a great cook, an okayish gardner and I’m good at researching.

Jenny

November 2, 2011 at 7:24 pm · Reply

I’m always thinking about this, too. Every time I see an expiration date, I think, “Oh, I would totally eat that after the date” or “How about penicillin, how long does that last unrefrigerated” or whatever.

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