This happens from time to time.  I lose my blogging mojo and I have a hard time getting back in the writing groove.  Sometimes, it is because I have said everything and I can’t think of anything else to say. Or because nothing interesting is happening.  Or I am just too busy to write a good meaty post.

This time, it is a little different.

I have a lot I want to tell you.  I can write post after post in my head, but when I sit down to write them down, I can’t.  I am in the thick of it right now.  The emotions are so raw and overwhelming, it is difficult to imagine exposing them to the critical blog-reading masses.

Before, blogging was always for me, a way for me to process my emotions and thoughts.  I haven’t done that so much with this part of my life because so much of it isn’t my story to tell.  I worry about L’s privacy. I worry about her family’s privacy and safety.  After THIS happened, I don’t trust my ability to protect them any more.

I know our story (specifically the story of meeting L’s family and the aftermath) is important.  Our story is one of the precious, precious few stories of searching for and locating a Chinese birth family.  If we don’t share our story, who will?  Who will give hope to all those families and Chinese adoptees who have been told reunion is impossible?

There is a Chinese quote that I kept thinking of when I share our experience:

Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence.  ~Lin Yutang

I know that people see our search and reunion as a reason for Hope.  But searching and the first meeting are just a drop in the bucket.  This part, the after,  is hard. Really really hard.  This is not a fairy tale and it seems dishonest to let you all think that we are all riding off into the sunset together.

I am not sure how much longer I am going to be blogging, but if I do go, there are things I need to say first.  There are questions I need to answer and stories that need to be told.

Nablopomo (National Blog Posting Month) is coming up in November.  I am committed to trying to write a post every day so I can see if it is really time for me to close up shop.

If you have questions for me, now is your chance to ask.  Anything is fair game, but I will tell you if there is something I can’t or am not comfortable answering.

Edited to add: Several people have now said or written to me offline to say they want to as me something they feel is to personal. That is ok. Now is your chance to ask me something you have always wondered. If it too personal, I will let you know. Seriously, I do this because I cannot anticipate what you might be curious about.