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My good friend Amy at Little Alouette is in the running to be included in the Martha Stewart craft sale. They make beautiful handcrafted wooden toys that are perfect baby shower presents. Amy and her carpenter husband Joe are really awesome and this would be a great opportunity for them. Could you do me a favor and take 4 seconds (really, I timed it!) to click on her name? Click HERE and select Amy Turn Sharp/Little Alouette
We had our housewarming party today. Between trying to sell our house (and failing) then selling it unexpectedly, moving into a rental, deconstructing and fixing this house then moving in, we have been in housing flux for the past 1 1/2 years. We owe LOTs of people dinners, playdates, visits etc. To kill 50 birds with one stone, I invited everyone I know to the party. Mr. A invited everyone he knows (including work people I have never met). Then we invited all the neighbors on our street. We did an open house so people could come and go without stress. In general, that plan worked ok. People came and went for about 4 hours. The only flaw with my plan was there was a steady stream of people coming in. I added it up and I think we ended up with over 100 people, not including kids. There were so many people, I only had a chance to say hello and a few pleasantries with each person before someone else new showed up. Because it was a housewarming, I think I gave over 20 house tours. I love to talk about houses in general (and my house in particular), but seriously, that was a LOT of house talk. I am actually losing my voice right now because I talked so much. The problems I have with parties is the quick hellos were so superficial, I didn’t have much of a chance to have an in depth conversation with anyone. There were many people I haven’t seen in months and I would have loved to sit down and talk with them one on one for a hour or more, but there wasn’t enough time. I also worry about all the people who didn’t know other people. Mr. A and I know lots of people who don’t know any of our other friends, and we are not connectors. (To be honest, I prefer my different spheres to not intersect at all.) Did they find people to talk to? Were they uncomfortable? Should I have talked to them more? Right now, I have a party hangover. I am exhausted and vaguely worried that I should have been a better hostess in this way or that. Some people love parties, but they just aren’t my thing. Mr. A is an extrovert. He would love a party every day of the week. (He is a reserved extrovert though, he isn’t super-chatty.) Around people I know, I am an outgoing introvert. (I am shy around new people, but that is a different thing). I am talkative and entertaining and fun enough, but oh my god, it sucks the energy right out of me. The more people, the more energy. Right now, I feel like I have been run over by a truck. I need to sit in a quiet room for a week or so to recover. A while back, something really terrible happened to a friend of mine. The kind of thing that leaves you thinking “Damn, I am glad that didn’t happen to me.” When something terrible happens, I think it is a good opportunity to see exactly what kind of people your friends really are. Well, in this case, I showed myself to be a flaming jerk. I screwed up. Instead of supporting my friend, I backed away. When she really, really needed compassion and support, I was nowhere to be found. It was not my finest moment. Not by a long shot. I can make excuses, but they are all really dumb. What kind of excuse is there for being an asshole? (And yes, one can be an asshole by simple failure to act.) I have been carrying around that black smudge of karma. I tried to avoid thinking about it, but it would bubble up from time to time. My subconscious wouldn’t let it go. Then, all the sudden, the universe let me know that it was time to address my failings. Yesterday, I took the opportunity to apologize for my small roll in a much bigger hurt. In my family, we just pretend that bad things or conflict never happened, but that would be the pussy way out. I had to apologize, even if there was no good reason for anyone to forgive me. I had to say it out loud and own it, so I did. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but it was the right thing to do. It didn’t erase the damage, but at the very least I took responsibility. I always liked that (Dr. Phil??) saying “When people show you who they are, believe them.” I not only showed my friend who I was, I showed myself. I don’t like that person. I am working on it. I am learning to be a better friend. I am trying to be a compassionate person. I am not perfect, but I can be better than this. |
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