I have been really sick for the past few days, but I wanted to respond to a few comments before I completely move on from this topic. (Yes, I know most of you will be relieved when I move on, but I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mindfuck it a little more.)
I was quite surprised by the teachers who commented that there would be nothing to gain by accelerating M in reading (actually it is technically in “language arts” so she will be getting more than just reading instruction, but LA is a pain to type.) I do get the point about about horizontal enrichment ( and M does go out of her way to learn more about what they are learning at school), if her class is only expected to learn 25 sight words by the end of the year just how much self enrichment should M be responsible for if she can already read chapter books?
We do a lot of outside enrichment at home: M reads voraciously. She takes Chinese lessons (doubly useful because it is hard, but she is also the worst kid in the class for once). We work education (fractions, science, history) into a lot of our daily activities because M enjoys it.
But, I think the school also has a responsibility to challenge her and I think there is a lot to be gained by putting M in a class where she has peers working close to her level. While she will be at one of the more advanced 1st grade reading groups due to her comprehension level, there are plenty of things for her to learn. According to the 1st grade teacher, they will talk about character webs, plot development, predicting what will come next, etc. M can read almost anything, but she needs instruction to expand the depth of her understanding.
It isn’t fair to expect M to just wait around for other kids to catch up to her level when she is itching to learn more. When those kids do catch up to what M knows, M will still be able to learn the new material much more easily and quickly. When we got M’s test scores, she tested above the top 99.8 percentile for learning ability. That means there will be 2 in 100o kids who learn as quickly and easily as she does. I can’t imagine that anyone would advocate sticking a kid with an IQ of 100 in a class where the average IQ is 50 or 60 and expect them to just add to the same curriculum to keep themselves challenged.
Even at M’s school where about 30% of all kids eventually qualify as “gifted” (which usually means they score above the 2nd standard deviation on an IQ test – the top 2% — also, hello upper middle class suburban skewing), the school has already suggested that M isn’t getting enough of a challenge and they would better be able to provide that for her in a 1st grade class where she would also have peers learning the same material.
So far with M, I feel like she has the best of both worlds: she learns easily but she also has no problem fitting in socially and appropriately with other kids her age. After several conversations and meetings, I feel confident that M’s teachers and her principal recognize that academic challenge AND fitting in socially are both really important for M’s development. We will see how things go in the next few months and we will be in a much better place to know how we should move forward in the future. I can’t even tell you how good I feel about M’s school knowing that they are working with us to make sure M gets what she needs while keeping her happy and well-adjusted (or so we hope).
On a slightly different topic, Carol asked how we would feel if L is an average student. I really want to answer that too, but this is too long. So, I will do just one more post before I move on from this topic.
It is inevitable that as soon as I write about something here, things will change. Not that long ago, I wrote about M’s parent-teacher conference and my relief that she was doing ok. Don’t get me wrong, she is still doing just fine, but right after that post, M’s permanant teacher came back from maternity leave.
On the morning of the teacher’s second day, she pulled Mr. A aside and asked him if we would be ok with sending M to a 1st grade class for reading. We talked about it on the phone and that afternoon I told her we thought it would be ok. It seemed like it was no big deal, that they were just going to send her down the hall for reading group.
Then I started researching it. In our district and state, sending M to a first grade classroom is not exactly a casual thing, it is a formal subject acceleration. To do subject acceleration, M had to be tested in the subject (Language Arts) as well as have an IQ test by the school psychologist. I emailed the principal and it was confirmed that yes, there is a very involved process that M would have to go through.
So we got M tested and I did more research. The more I read, the more conflicted I became. I started reading some research on grade acceleration and it’s benefits, but it didn’t do anything to alleviate my concerns about a young 17 year old going off to college unsupervised. (Or Mr. A’s concerns about a girl who should be in 8th grade dating high school boys!) When we got M’s results back, they confirmed what we had suspected. M qualifies as “highly gifted” (whatever that means) and she tested above the 99th percentile for reading at a 1st grade level.
This morning, Mr. A and I had a meeting with the school’s gifted coordinator to figure out exactly what will be happening. M will be doing language arts in a 1st grade classroom starting tomorrow. The teacher will work with her to make sure she hasn’t missed any critical skills, because it is likely that her reading ability is a bit ahead of her writing skills. The 1st grade teacher and principal decided to start M in a reading group where she will be successful (i.e. one that is lower than her reading level) so she can be confident in the transition to the new class.
After a transition period, M’s language arts classes will permanently be a grade above the rest of her classes. Right now, our district doesn’t do any gifted enrichment until 2nd grade, but if we choose, M can begin gifted/enriched 2nd grade language arts next year when she is in 1st grade. When she gets older and ages out of the available accelerated classes at her school (e.g. 6th grader needing 7th grade language class), the school will coordinate her schedule and bus her to another school for that class. Basically, after the transition period, M will have the equivalent of an IEP and the school will be obligated to continue to meet her academic needs the same as if she had a learning disability.
We also have the option to reject any service/accommodation we don’t think is in M’s best interest. We already took advantage of this by turning down testing in other subjects. If M was accelerated in Math AND language arts it would make the most sense to skip her entirely to the next grade. Since we don’t really want that, no reason to test now.
Throughout this process, Mr. A and I kept stressing that we want to create a balance for M. We absolutely want her to be challenged at school. We want her to learn to work hard and even to learn what it is like to fail sometimes. On the other hand, we want her to be able to fit in socially. So far, M isn’t remotely socially awkward, she has great social skills, relates well to her classmates and makes friends easily. We don’t want her to lose that.
When we mentioned these concerns to the principal, she said all the right things. She clearly heard our concerns and was taking M’s social development into consideration as well as her academic issues. For now, I am pretty confident that we are making a good choice for M. I am really happy with the team approach the school is using (principal, 1st grade teacher, kindergarten teacher, gifted program person and parents). We feel really good about the school because they are making all this effort for M and we didn’t initiate any of it.
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(I am just going to throw in here that as a former “gifted” kid, this whole process is bringing up a lot of my own personal baggage. I will try to come back to that later, but I have been finding it very difficult to separate my own experiences from the decisions I am making about M’s education. This whole thing actually reminded me a lot of a post Dawn made about the educational choices she has made for her kids and how she obviously references her own school experiences.) But more on that later. We have to get to school to pick up Miss Smartypants.
About a month ago, M came home from school saying some surprising things. In addition to her speshul snowflakedness, I also talked to her teacher about what M said in this conversation:
M: Mama, I don’t like Jason*. He is in my class an I don’t like him.
Me: Why not?
M: He has a mustache.
(I will confess, I laughed at this point because whenever M talks about kids at school, my dad always asks if that is the one with the mustache. You know, assuming that kindergartners don’t have mustaches, so it would be a funny joke. I thought she was just making a joke too.)
Me: Really? Are you joking?
M: No, he really has a mustache**! And he has brown skin. I don’t like him.
Me: What do you mean? You don’t like him because of how he looks? Because of his skin?
M: Yes. And also because he has an accent. Jason is from India. He doesn’t talk right. He is Indian and he has an accent and a mustache and brown skin. I don’t like him.
Then she rolled her eyes, apparently because I am so slow I don’t understand how these things should clearly add up to someone who is not likable.
It was hard for me to respond at this point, because my mind was just boggling. Seriously, WTFityFF!?!?
Then, I did the only thing I could think to do. I reminded M of the four kids in her preschool class who were Indian or were from India who she liked just fine. I reminded her of her three preschool teachers from Korea who all had accents. I reminded her of her GRANDPARENTS who have accents. I reminded her of the 6 or 7 kids in her preschool class who didn’t know any English or were still learning it when she met them, all of whom had accents. I pointed out about 10 people she knows and likes who have brown skin, accents, who come from other places, etc. (Current classmates, family friends, Chinese teacher, her classmates at Chinese school, etc.)
While M agreed all these people shared some characteristics with Jason, she could not be persuaded that she should not dislike Jason for those reasons.
I am pretty sure that M is not getting those messages from home (at least I hope not!). She has only started saying those things since this summer (remember that one incident at the park?). I just don’t know what the heck is going on. I thought maybe kids were saying something at school that M was picking up.
When I brought it up with the teacher, she was perplexed. She said if the kindergartners were talking about race/skin color/ Jason/ etc., she is pretty sure she would have heard about it, because they don’t really filter what they say to her yet. She claims she hasn’t heard a peep about it yet.
The teacher was really surprised that M had such strong feelings because she didn’t remember ever seeing much interaction between M and Jason. She also said that M is very friendly with all the kids she knows well, including kids of color in her class.
Since this teacher’s last day is today, there isn’t much she can do. She suggested that M’s seat get changed so that she sits next to Jason, so she can get to know him. I figured it can’t hurt, as long as the teacher makes sure that M isn’t saying anything rude to Jason. (M is usually a very sweet and polite kid, but you never know what will come out of the mouth of a kindergartner.)
Besides talking more about differences at home, I am kind of at a loss as to what I should be doing.
*not his real name
**She was right, he actually does have a bit of a mustache.
Ok, so there is no way to write this without sounding like I am talking about my prechus little speshul gifted snowflake. But since I have discussed our angsting over M’s school here before, I am going to go into a bit of detail about it anyway. Mock me if you must.
I had my first parent-teacher conference this week. Thankfully, there were no major surprises. As I expected, M got a glowing report. She is successful in the most important parts of kindergarten: learning to follow rules, get along with kids, follow school routines, etc. She was even chosen to be a member of the “buddy team” which is trained to do peer conflict resolution and welcome new children to the school. (Selection for the buddy team confirmed my suspicions that M is, indeed, a teacher’s pet.)
The conversation got more interesting when we started talking about the more academic aspect of kindergarten. We talked a little about M’s reading assessment. Her school uses the Developmental Reading Assessment (DRA). Our school’s goal is to have all children reading at a level 1 by the end of kindergarten. When they tested M, they stopped testing her at a level 18, which is our school’s ceiling for testing kindergartners. (More about why they might have a ceiling here, especially post #13).
I asked the teacher if she thought that was the correct level for M to be reading and she said no, M was definitely higher but they don’t know how much because they didn’t have the materials available nor were they allowed to test her at higher levels in kindergarten. (Based on the books she regularly reads independently at home and this handy level tester thingy that Jody posted a long time ago, M comfortably reads books leveled at 24-28 (mid 2nd to late 2nd grade).
I already knew M was a good reader, so I wasn’t really surprised by her testing result. I was surprised to learn that M will be in her own reading group with no other kids, though. I expected at least a couple other kids to be reading at a similar level, in part because M’s younger cousin in preschool and can read almost as well as M can.
We talked about M’s ability to understand multiplication even though she has never had any formal math yet (M’s class isn’t doing math, just shapes and patterns so far). At this point, M’s teacher brought up the schools’ gifted program and the fact that they don’t do any testing until 2nd grade. M’s teacher confirmed our suspicions that M is capable of doing work that is at least one or two grades ahead of kindergarten work in most areas. (Though her handwriting and spelling would be behind.)
So far, M’s teacher has been making an effort to keep M challenged in the classroom with materials and work/questions that is tailored specifically for her. And seriously, props to her, because I would go crazy just keeping the 20 kids on task with scissors and pasting, never mind finding ways to tailor questions to be more abstract and require more critical/creative thinking for just one kid. The good news is M’s new teacher (the permanant, non-sub teacher who starts monday) used to teach 1st grade, so she will hopefully be comfortable giving M the kind work that will challenge her too.
I asked the teacher if she thought we should have had M tested to skip kindergarten (which was something I have angsted about in the past.) M’s teacher said that outside of academic issues, M is a great fit in kindergarten socially. She doesn’t seem to have a hard time relating to her peers, is making lots of friends and fits in with them well. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to hear that, because that was what we most wanted M to get out of kindergarten.
I left the school feeling really happy with the effort that is being made to keep M engaged and challenged. If all M’s teachers are as proactive as this substitute, M will be a lucky, lucky girl. One of my biggest fears is that school will teach her to be a lazy slacker (like some one who shall remain nameless *cough* me *cough*.)
So far, I am thrilled with our little neighborhood school.
We’ve had a really rough week here in AmFam land, but a few comments are requiring a response:
KT takes the cake with the funniest comment I have received in a while. Quoting her husband:
I was fine being the only asian in my K-12 midwestern school – I bonded w/ other asians after we all got into the best colleges.
Mr. A sends him a virtual elite school high five.
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From MortimersMom (more details in the actual comments):
Are you guys saying that it is imperative that your kids have Asian friends? I mean, I understand that in a perfect world, it would be great if they did. But what if they don’t? What if they just dont’ get along with the other Asian kids? Can the choice of school really influence you child’s selection of friends?
Some other people addressed the importance of this in the comments, but I will take a quick moment to give my point of view. Will I require my children to have Asian friends? No. But will I make sure they have ample opportunities to develop them? Yes.
Since you mentioned Jewishness, I will use that as an analogy. Would it be the worst thing in the world for a Jewish kid to be one of two Jews in a school? No. But would it be easier if there were more than a handfull of others who shared that experiences? I would imagine it would be. If my kid were the only Jewish kid in the school, I would probably try to make sure they had a lot of exposure to other Jewish kids at temple or other activities that would provide a solid, long-term peer group.
That is how we feel about making sure our kids know other Asian kids and other families like ours (mixed race, hapa kids, adopted kids, 2nd generation Asian parents, etc.) I don’t force M to be friends with certain kids, but I can make sure she has an opportunity to get to know them with playdates, cookouts with our families etc.
I won’t be able to do that when she is older, but right now we are laying a foundation for her and letting her know that there are lots of families like ours out there. There is nothing freaky about our family or the way it was created. I also hope that seeing the same kids her age every Sunday at Chinese school (out of the 450 who are there) she will at least be familiar with them if they live in our school district.
Also, it isn’t as calculated as it may sound. We just show up. So far it hasn’t been hard for us to get to know the other parents hanging out at the preschool or Chinese school. We have made some good friends (as has M) in the last year.
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Two posts back, Emi asks:
could you explain this better?
“If I had a white kid, I would probably go for the most diverse school possible. ”
i’m not sure i understand it properly…you’d send a white kid somewhere s/he’d be the minority, but you’d send an asian kid where they are the majority?
Yes. That is exactly what I mean. In the US, a white kid is probably going to spend most of his her life in the majority. There is a lot to be learned from the experience of being a minority. If you are white, I bet you can remember very clearly the first time you were a minority in a room full of people of color. Or at least I can. I have had the opportunity to put myself in that situation professionally and in my personal life. It isn’t always comfortable, but I learned a lot and it changed how I feel about a lot of things.
As for sending an Asian kid to a majority Asian school if possible? I would do it in a heartbeat. Most Asians will be minorities their whole lives. Why not give them a break from that bullshit during the guantlet of high school?
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There were also a few other comments that were a bit…disappointing.
This is just not the place to come to argue that racism is somehow the same as other teasing. It just isn’t the same thing as red hair or a speech issue or wearing glasses. Sure teasing about those things may be painful, but all those things can be changed. Even if they can’t, there isn’t an entire society built around systematically discriminating against those traits.
It is the height of white privilege to insist that racism and racist teasing is no different. The long, complicated history of racial oppression and discrimination in this country and globally makes it different. Racism strikes at the very core of who a person is and where they come from.
I would also just say that I would think long and hard before I tried to convince my child of color that racial teasing is the same as other teasing, or that “positive” stereotypes aren’t hurtful. Your kid will feel the difference, whether you want them to or not. I do believe that the very conversation in my comments has been referenced by a number of adult transracial adoptees as a key moment in their relationship with their white adoptive parents. Not in a good way, either.
I am not in a patient, teaching frame of mind due to the crazy week we just had. I am inclined to rant if I get started, so I am just going to walk away from this for now.
If you are so inclined, you can read this old post about how I learned the hard way about teasing from a very patient Mr. A. I would also throw out Inside Transracial Adoption and Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria as good places to start reading about these topics. Pact has some great articles too. Like this one.
Good night and good luck.
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