Vision Therapy

Holy crap, I looked through the questions I have left to answer and I may be answering questions until groundhog day.  Please bear with me as I try to knock some of these out!

Kate from the Industrious Eye asks:

I’d like to hear more about your experience with vision therapy for L. Did you feel it helped her, and if so, what differences do you see? I have a problem that I could pass on to my kids that is sometimes treated with vision therapy. But it’s a controversial subject. Because it wasn’t how I was treated, I don’t have much insight.

 

When L was about 3.5, I figured out that she was having some issues with her vision based on some basic developmental tests performed by her preschool.   Before that, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.  After a lot of therapy and research, we figured out that L had the following issues: a visual processing disorder which included tracking/pursuit problem and a significant delay in her visual motor skills; a problem with her visual-ocular reflex (vision and balance), midline issues and sensory integration issues.  Let’s just focus on the vision stuff for a the time being.

We can’t be sure why L had these issues, but there is a strong possibility that it was because she missed being held, rocked and moved around when she was very young (around or before 3 months old) and living in the orphanage.  We can all take a minute to think about how sad that is, but the reality is, L is fine and these issues were identified and treatable unlike many other issues common with institutionalization and neglect.

While I am generally very anti-”lucky baby”, I will say in one way L was very fortunate that she ended up with our family because her presentation of issues is extremely atypical and medical professionals kept telling us there was nothing wrong.  Because L could do skills she should not be able to do (ride a bike, use chopsticks) because she lacked foundation vision and vestibular/balance skills, it took a lot of research and persistence for me to figure them out and find the right people to work them out.  My gut told me something was off with L and eventually I found out I was right. Had I listened to the first professionals, L would have suffered needlessly for years and had educational deficits from delayed treatment.*

In case you are curious, some issues that raised red flags (or were indicative of problems once we figured out what we were dealing with): L would only be in an upright or completely flat plane–she hated anything that required reclining, her drawing and coloring was horrendous compared to same age kids, she would draw on the right side of the paper with her right hand and the left side with her left, she was very physical but in a tightly controlled way–she never jumped from a high or spun around but liked having other people spin her, she would not pay attention to books at all–not even for 20 seconds (probably because she couldn’t make sense of the pictures), she could not learn phonics at all despite six months of trying, she could not play memory or figure out matching pictures even if the cards were face up, she was clueless about the shape sorter, yada yada yada.   All stuff that seemed kind of OK, but when you know what you are looking for, these are giant flashing signs of visual processing and vestibular issues.

For the visual processing stuff, L did three blocks of seven sessions of vision therapy under the supervision of a developmental optomotrist when she was just over 4 years old.  If you read the comments here, you will see that vision therapy has a lot of controversy around it, but it was absolutely life changing for L.  It is kind of hard to remember how significant the changes were, but I made a post here after she had done vision therapy for about 6 weeks.   Here is a post when she graduated from Vision Therapy.

L isn’t the same kid she was before vision therapy.  She is academically right on target, though she still struggles a little with paying attention and sitting still (which is likely due to her sensory issues–which are another post entirely).  Within 6 weeks of starting vision therapy, something clicked and she got phonics.  Despite the fact that I had been trying to teach her phonics for 6 months before that, she got all the letters all at the same time — in about three days.  Over time, her visual fine motor skills and visual memory  have improved dramatically.  She loves to listen to stories now and spends hours looking at pictures books.  L started jumping off furniture and spinning herself around which I suspect she had never done because her vision and balance were so wonky.  We also did occupational therapy to work on the vestibular-ocular and midline issues too, but the biggest changes happened in Vision Therapy (though I suspect she could use a bit more OT because she still won’t recline in a bean bag).

Controversy or no, I am a vision therapy convert.  Answering this questions is very fortuitously timed.  Just today, I read Fixing My Gaze which is from the point of view of an adult neurobiologist who had great success with vision therapy (also, it was fascinating!).

We spent about $2,000 on vision therapy, none of which was covered by our insurance, but I feel it was money well-spent.  I also believe we spent much less because we chose to have L treated while she was so young and her brain was so plastic.  I know it is only speculation, but I feel very sure that L would have had a horrible time trying to learn to read and may have been diagnosed as learning disabled had she not had vision therapy.  She may never be a completely typical student, but I know her vision is not causing problems.

 

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*I know this is a long post, but I am writing more than I would otherwise because I suspect many post-institutionalized kids have similar atypical presentation of these issues and someone might recognize their kid in this.

Nablopomo day 8

Tonight M told me that a boy and a girl in her class are “dating”.  She said it somewhat ironically with air quotes, but seriously, 8 year olds are “dating”?  Oh man.

Also, I gleaned that piece of information on a walk to the library.  Score one for asking vague questions when the kid doesn’t have to look you in the eyes.

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A couple more quick questions from S’s Mom:

Why is this considered an adoption blog? How the heck did that happen? (I do not read it for adoption insight.)

I would guess it is an “adoption blog” because the majority of my readers are adoptive parents.  I know that adoption-related posts (particularly those about L’s family) are by far the ones that people look for the most.  My stats go WAY up on those posts.  They used to go up like that when I wrote about my MIL, but since I don’t see her so much lately, I guess I can’t qualify this as a “people who have the craziest extended families” blog. heh.  I also used to write more about race stuff, but right now it isn’t at the top of my consciousness so I haven’t had much to say about it.
If I do keep blogging, expect this blog to morph into a “building my forever house” blog, which will pretty much guarantee a quick exodus of my previously loyal adoptive parent readers.   For me, I am mostly just blogging my life, so I don’t really care what categorization internet people want to put me in.
Do people say things like “Oh, multiracial kids are the cutest”. “What a China doll”. Etc. How do you explain to M and L their differences in looks, etc.
We got some comments about M’s looks/mixed-racedness when she was small, but now we hardly get any.  M mostly passes for white unless people are familiar with hapa kids, then they can see it.  But then again, no one comments when she is out with Mr. A either.  Maybe she does look a little Asian.   I pretty much never get comments about L not matching me or M either.  I have had a handful of weird comments about L, but probably less than 10 in the past 4.5 years.
 Most of the time, I forget that we don’t match.  Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I forget that she is Asian, it just seems very normal for me to be with an Asian kid or a hapa kid or an Asian husband for that matter.
Actually, now that I think about it, the vast majority of mentions  about our not matching happened when we were traveling in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan last year.  At least twice a day, someone would say “Oh, the little one looks like your husband. The big one looks like you!”  I imagine that might be what people who don’t know L is adopted might be thinking here?  I don’t know because they don’t say anything.
As for how I talk to the kids about it, M is very practical and concrete. She has a good understanding of ancestry and knows she is half Chinese/Taiwanese and half European.  She knows she looks more white than Chinese because it was commented on so frequently on our trip, but I don’t remember her ever mentioning it before.
 She also has internalized the idea that hapa=extra pretty.   This makes my roll my eyes, but I guess she has good self esteem or something.  I think she got that idea from my misguided attempts to prepare her for so much attention in China.  When she was 4 (on our adoption trip) people made a huge deal about her cuteness and hapaness.  This time, less so (probably because her teeth were so jacked up and because L was much smaller and cuter).
L doesn’t really get the idea of race yet.  She knows she looks Chinese.  She thinks that means black hair and brown skin.  She knows what parts of her look like each of her birthparents and how she looks like her bio-siblings.  She knows that Mr. A also looks Chinese because his parents came from Taiwan (which is Chinese).
I don’t know, I guess I am just a straight -shooter with these kinds of issues.  I just lay out the facts (ancestry, genes, etc.) and tell them that some people are racist and why (historical stories, creating an in group and and out group, etc.).  It seems to be working ok as far as  I can tell.  Also, I don’t think we are really at the key ages for race issues to bubble up yet.  I anticipate problems in Jr. High and High School, but that is a whole other post.

broken hearted

This morning, when they were supposed to be getting ready for school, M and L had an argument.  L was in M’s room without permission.  This is an ongoing irritation for M and she was a little more abrasive than she needed to be at attempting to evict L from her space.

L, while refusing to leave the room, decided to express her displeasure. “I don’t even WANT YOU AS A SISTER ANY MORE!” she yelled, “I don’t want a sister!”

L has always been a kid who strikes out as soon as her feelings get hurt. This time, though, it almost looked as if L had been slapped in the face by her own words.

She spent the next hour or two in a bit of a wobble, getting upset over the tiniest of slights. (Including getting mad at a piece of paper for folding incorrectly.)

I don’t even remember now, what finally led to her meltdown.  She was probably mad that I denied her a sucker or asked her to pick up her mess.  Whatever caused it, it was a big melt down.  Crying. Stomping.  Yelling.

Then she said “I don’t EVEN WANT YOU!”  and “I just want to be ALONE ALL BY MYSELF.”  Knowing L as I know her, these are the kinds of words that mean exactly the opposite.  This was a girl who needed to spend some time being cuddled and loved.

As I held her, she flailed around, angry at the world and anything she could think of.  I knew she wasn’t really mad at the piece of paper or whatever inanimate object had done her wrong.  Eventually, she said “I don’t even LIKE my brother and sister in China!”

Aha, I thought.  This is still about the argument this morning.  I had suspected that was what we were dealing with, but she could also have been hungry or tired.

“I just want you to GO AWAY FROM ME!  Leave me alone!”  she huffed as I held her on my lap like a baby.  ”I don’t even want you to be MY MOMMY ANYMORE!”

“It is ok if you are mad at me.” I said, “But even when you are mad or sad, I am always going to be your mommy.”

“I only want my mama in CHINA!” L sobbed,  looking afraid of her own words as the fell between us.

Since we met L, it has only been a matter of time before she said those words.  I expected them to sting, but they didn’t.  My heart was breaking, but not over L’s anger with me.  My heart was breaking because this is not the kind of pain I can carry for her.  This is a dark place she is going to struggle with again and again in her life.

“I know baby.  I know you miss your mama in China.” I said, tears running down my cheeks.  ”It is ok to be sad or mad because you miss her.  She misses you too.  She loves you very much.”

Then, L crumpled.  Her sobs wracked her little body.  We cried together as I rubbed her back.

“You are going to see your mama in China again, L.  I promise.  It might be when you are six or seven, but you will get to visit her. And we can see her on the computer and she will send us pictures.”

I realize how incredibly lame these things sound as L is crying in my lap, “It is ok if you miss your mama in China, but I am always going to be your mama too.   Even if you are mad at me, I am always going to be your mommy.   I will always love you and take care of you.  And even though you get mad at M, she is always going to be your sister.  Forever and ever.”

“Until I die?” she asked quietly.

“Yes.  Even after you die, she will still be your sister. Even if she is far away, she will be your sister.  Even if you don’t see her every day. Just like Jiejie and Didi are your sister and brother, always and forever.”

She thought this over.

I thought it over too.  I realized that L might have thought, in a magical thinking kind of way, that wishing M was not her sister any more might make it true.  I suspect she was thinking about her Jiejie and Didi and thinking maybe they weren’t her sister and brother any more, so these things could really happen.

“Mama, I am so SORRY.  I love you.” she sobbed.  L often lashes out, but once she stops being so angry, she apologizes and apologizes.

“You don’t have to be sorry, babygirl.  It is ok to wish you could be with your mama in China.  It is ok to be mad at me or mad at M sometimes.  We know you love us, even when you are mad.  We love you too, even when WE are mad.  M loves you even though she doesn’t like it when you come in her room without asking first.”

Then, we talked for a bit about the injustice of big sisters who like privacy and little sisters who only want to play with things in their big sister’s room.   It wasn’t long before all was right in L’s world again.

I, on the other hand, have been thinking about it all day.