Job and travel plans are happening fast and furiously around here. I will get back to the questions, but I wanted to post about something that happened before I forgot.
The other day, one of M’s very best friends (who happens to be a boy who I will call Brad) told her “I have a crush on Josh”.
I wasn’t there, but Brad’s mom told me that M laughed and said “Get outta here! You can’t have a crush on a BOY!”
When the story was repeated to me, it gave me pause.
M’s other best friend has two moms (LESBIAN moms, to be clear). Just last week, I had a talk with M about the responsibility of voting and the importance of trying to change laws that go against our beliefs. I used the two mom family as an example of families who face legal discrimination because they can’t marry. We talked about equality and how there are many kinds of families (mom/mom, mom/dad, dad/dad, etc.) who should all have the same legal protections and rights.
M knows girls can like girls or boys can like boys. It breaks my heart a little bit that she has somehow internalized the fact that it is somehow socially unacceptable to admit it in elementary school. I know she isn’t learning that crap at our house. She is picking it up at school or from her friends or maybe even from their parents.
So last night, I asked her about it. She repeated the same story, but said she “forgot” what she said to Brad.
“I heard you said ‘Boys can’t have crushes on boys!’ Is that true?” I asked.
“Oh. Well, it is UNUSUAL.” M said.
“It might not be very common, but you know that girls can like girls and boys can like boys. That is just the way some people are born. People like who they like. A boy having a crush on a boy is just like some families that have two moms or two dads.” I reminded her.
“Oh.” she said, “I never thought about it with kids.”
“You know, if you laugh when someone tells you something important about themselves, it could make them feel bad about who they are. If it happens enough times, a gay boy or a lesbian might start to not like that part of themselves. They might want to hide it. It hurts to have to hide the truth about yourself.” I said.
“You know how we talked about people who think it is wrong for boys to like boys or girls to like girls? Sometimes, those people are really mean. People can love whoever their heart tells them to love. We need to make sure we never, ever make them feel bad about it.”
“I didn’t want Brad to feel bad!” M said.
“I know, kiddo. But lots of other people would want a boy who likes boys to feel bad on purpose. They might tease him or pick on him. You need to make sure you don’t do something like that, even if it is on accident.” I said.
“Oh.” M said, looking very concerned.
“The next time a boy tells you he likes a boy, what could you say so he doesn’t feel bad about sharing his feelings?” I asked.
“I could just say ‘Oh, OK.’” M said, “I could just act like it was no big deal.”
“I think that would be a good response. I also want you to remember that if you ever hear anyone getting teased for who they are, whether it is who they love or for any other reason, I want you to stick up for them.”
“Ok.” M said.
Then she asked me to turn up the radio.
