Girls Growing Up

It only took 5 days for someone to refill the toilet paper roll.  Who finally stepped up, acted like a responsible adult and did it?

L.

Five year old L.

Jeesh.

Two other members of this family will be getting a lecture today and L will get a small treat of some sort and some much-deserved praise.  (Just a note: we don’t even have  the kind of TP holder that has the springloaded stick.  You only have to slip the roll onto a loop.)

 

In other my-girls-are-growing-up news, I taught M to shave her (8 year old) legs today.  While her leg hair isn’t coarse or thick by any means, it has been becoming increasingly visible this summer.

My mom (who is much hairy-er and has darker, thicker hair than I do) had the unfortunate experience of being a hairy pre-teen when Planet of the Apes came out in the 1970′s.  The other kids used to call her “Planet of the [my mom's name]“.

Given the recent release of another Planet of the Apes, I thought we could try to avoid passing that trauma along to another generation.

(I should also note that hair mockery did not encourage my mom to allow ME to shave before I turned 12.  I guess in her eyes my wispy, blondish -though long- leg hair did not impress her hairy-ness at all.)

Hopefully, she won’t need to shave again for another 6 months or so.

 

 

 

August 7th, 2011 | Category: Lovely Little L, Marvelous Miss M, The Girls | 8 comments

Things I Am Trying to Teach My Daughters

The lovely Princess Nebraska has a post called “Things I am trying to teach my 4 year old son“, which is timely because I could use a minute to remember that I my job is bigger than just sacrificing my sanity to the mini dictators I call my children for no good reason.

So with a tip of the hat to Princess Nebraska, here is a list of things I am trying to teach my daughters.

  • Think ahead and plan accordingly.  Your mother is not a butler who will bring a towel to you when you are standing in the bathroom dripping wet, nor will she bail you out when you are in Europe and you didn’t bring enough money to get yourself home again.
  • Try everything on your plate (literally and metaphorically).  Don’t shy away from something because it is unfamiliar or other people say it is weird.  Remember the rambutan.
  • Being pretty is all well and good, but it is just as important to be funny and smart.
  • It isn’t worth it to wear shoes that hurt your feet.
  • Being dumb or uneducated isn’t cute.
  • Don’t spend more money than you have.  Don’t create credit card debt.
  • Marry someone smart who thinks you are just as smart as they are .  Your partner should be your best friend.
  • When your mom asks you to leave her alone four times, you can pretty much guarantee the fifth time she is going to yell.
  • Always bring an extra layer in case you get cold.
  • Be able to kill bugs on your own, but marry someone who won’t give you a hard time if you ask them to kill a spider.
  • Treat people with respect, even when they haven’t earned it.
  • If a friend is saying mean things about her other friends, you can be sure she is saying the same things about you when you aren’t there.  This is not a good friend.
  • You have to know where you come from so you can know where you are going.
  • Most people think their own country and culture is superior.  Yours is no better than anyone else’s, it is just more comfortable for you.  You can’t understand your own culture until you experience others. See as much of the world as you can.
  • Sometimes you have to stop and be still so you can hear yourself think.  For the love of all that is holy, please be still sometimes so your mother can hear herself think.
  • Always buy used cars.
  • Sex is fun and a healthy part of your life. It isn’t a moral issue.  It *is* a health issue. Choose partners who prioritize your safety and enjoyment as much as their own.
  • Figure out what and who brings you joy.  Make those things a priority.
  • Always have a backup plan.  Be able to support yourself and any children you have financially. Buy more insurance than you think you need.
  • Apologize when you are wrong.  Apologize for your own actions, not for how someone else’s feelings.  (e.g. “I am sorry I screwed up” is much better than “I am sorry you are upset”.)
  • Treat your family as well as you treat strangers and your friends.  Your sister may not be your best friend, but you will know her your whole life.  If you are mean to her, you will still have to hear about it when you are 80.
  • Start a retirement fund as soon as you start earning any income.
  • Don’t pick your nose or touch your genitals in public.  Feel free to do those things in private.
  • Both love and blood make families.  You get to decide how important those factors are, but we think both are important.
  • Good grades are important, but working hard is MORE important.
  • Don’t turn your back on a friend just because someone else is more exciting, entertaining or popular.
  • Clean up after yourself.  Replace the toilet paper roll when you use the last bit.  Don’t leave spit in the sink when you brush your teeth.  Close the car door when you get out.
  • Vote Democrat. We will probably still love you if you become flaming Republicans–probably–but it would be better if you are Democrats.
  • Some day you will try to rebel to get a rise out of us.  Knock yourself out.  I guarantee you, it is going to be hard to impress your formerly pink-haired, tattooed, tongue-pierced raver mama.  On the other hand, it will be quite easy to get a rise out of your father.
  • Vote your conscious, not your wallet.   Most of all, VOTE.  Your ancestors have been denied that right, people died and went to jail for the opportunity you have.  Use it.
  • Be pro-choice, pro-equality, pro-freedom and pro-justice.  Stand up for people who can’t stand  up for themselves.  Always vote for school levies, mental health funding and health care for everyone.  Pay your taxes without complaint so you can live in a country where even the least fortunate aren’t left to fend for themselves.
  • Don’t let other people tell you who you are.  Be a person you can be proud of.
June 7th, 2011 | Category: All About Me, The Girls | 15 comments

So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Zai Jian.


My dearest readers and friends in the computer,

I have been thinking about closing up shop here for quite a while. It is time to admit that my blogging mojo is gone.

I started this blog just days before M’s first birthday and now she is a strapping 7 1/2 year old. When I started blogging, L was only our Hypothetical Future Child (HFC) and now she is our child in every way.

This blog helped me through the dark, dark days of new parenting when I thought I was going to lose my ever-loving mind.  This blog is where I turned when I was trying to figure out how to make being a multicultural, multiracial family a blessing instead of a burden for my girls.  It helped me learn to unpack my invisible knapsack of privilege.  Blogging helped me survive the long wait to adopt from China with humor and community.  This blog was my refuge when I was in Baby Jail after L came home and I thought I couldn’t make it through another day inside the four walls of my house.

In short, this blog and the people I met here helped me walk through the fire and figure out how to be the mother (and person) I want to be.

Thank you.

My life wouldn’t be what it is today without you, my friends in the computer.  While there have been some bumps (and assholes) along the way, blogging has been an overwhelmingly positive experience for me.  The support, friendships and community I found here were life-changing.

Some of you became my real-life friends.  Some of you remain my friends in the computer.  Some of you have been secretly lurking for years and years not realizing that having an audience for the crazy that is my life sometimes  was the only thing keeping me sane.

I am so sad to let American Family go.

The things I want to write about (things that cause me stress and angst right now) are unbloggable.  The story doesn’t belong only to me and putting it on the internet isn’t worth the risk to the other parties involved or to the relationships we hope to build.  We are still searching and hoping to rebuild connections that have been lost.  I think this is a road we will have to walk alone.

I was hoping to wait until we finished our big trip to China and Taiwan next year, but I can’t see dragging things out for another 6-12 months just to do a travel blog.  I am going to hold on to the domain name, just in case.  I have always made snarky comments (who me??) about people who close up their blog and then come back over and over, but now I understand why. This shit is hard, yo.  I will still be on Twitter ( su per grrl 7  spacesremoved), if you feel you can’t stand to say goodbye.

A final update about each of us before we go:

M: M is lanky and tall. Sometimes she is a little bit awkward, but she has a lot of confidence.  She is missing so many teeth she looks like a jack-o-lantern.  She is a gentle girl with a kind heart.  Just this summer, she has really come into her own as a big sister.  She has started including L in the very involved pokemon games she plays with her stuffed animals.  M is smart as a whip and we continue to try to figure out how to get her needs met at school.  M was fortunate to have an excellent teacher in the past two years who made sure she was challenged at school.  We hope next year will be more of the same.  While she complains about learning Chinese, M is making great progress.  I can’t wait until we get to China to see how much she understands and if she will feel comfortable speaking.  M is goofy and beautiful.  Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye,  I can see the woman she will be one day and it takes my breath away.

L: L is a surprise.  She bares almost no resemblance to the chubby-cheeked,  somber baby we saw in her referral photos.  She is cute as a button and all girl.  She has grown a lot lately.  From the tiny bug who was wearing size twos on her 4th birthday, she recently shot up into the 20th %tile, much to my relief.  She is nimble, compact and strong.  She might be a little slow to warm up, but her smile lights up the room.  L is cautious but has a stubborn streak that will serve her well (though it might be the death of me!).

This past year with L has been hard.  (Actually, I could say that about almost every year with L. But each year for different reasons.)  Not that L herself has been hard, but being the best mama to her and figuring out how to get her needs met has been a struggle.   I have written a lot here about the challenges of trying to figure out the lingering effects of living in an orphanage – trauma and attachment issues, vision issues, vestibular issues, educational issues – but I don’t want to leave you with the wrong impression.  L is amazing.  She is smart and funny and she will be just fine.  She is figuring out what it means to be adopted.  She loves stuffed animals and anything soft and fuzzy.  She feels her feelings intensely, but lets them pass quickly.  She loves her big sister.  She is learning what it means to be a friend.  Her capacity for love in spite of all her losses could break my heart into a million tiny pieces.  I can’t imagine this family without her spark.

Mr. A: Right now, Mr. A is working at a fancy-pants, piece of cake job.  He works only about 50 hours a week and has actually been known to take some time off (!).  While he likes this job, we know his days there are numbered.  Sometime in the next year he will head back to the land of the corporate lawyers where he will work too much and (hopefully!) make a little more money.  We are soaking up as much of this easy time as we can.  He is still a wonderful father and the only man I can imagine spending my life with.

Me: I am happy. Really and truly.  I am living the life that is better than I could ever have dreamed it would be.  I have the perfect little family and I live in a perfect little town.  I am surrounded by wonderful friends who live nearby and some who live too far away.  Sure, there are a few areas I would like to change: I would love to find our forever house (or at this point almost ANY house) so we can move out of the cramped rental;  I would like to have a housecleaner again because it seems I am never going to be a tidy person who enjoys cleaning; I would like to travel more.  Recently, I have actually begun to contemplate getting a job once L goes to kindergarten for the sole purpose of funding more Big Trips.  We are starting to get ready for our two month trip to China and Taiwan (and maybe Hawaii and somewhere else if we get bored?).  I am so excited, I can barely contain myself.

So that’s us.  We are riding off into the sunset with our hair trailing in the wind and smiles on our faces.  We are finding our Happily Ever After.

It has been a wild and wonderful ride.

Thank You.

June 28th, 2010 | Category: All About Me, Lovely Little L, Marvelous Miss M, Mr. A, The Girls | 76 comments

A lovely day

Today, we finally got around to visiting the Wilds.   It is a giant natural animal conservatory, kind of like a zoo but without cages.  It is located not far from where I went to high school, in the middle of rural southeastern Ohio.  It is located on land that was previously a giant surface mine which now looks surprisingly similar to how I imagine some parts of Africa.

Despite the heat, we chose the open air bus.   It was surprisingly not that hot when we were moving. (It was brutal if you happened to be sitting on the unfortunate side of the bus that had sun exposure when we stopped.)  We loved getting up close and personal with the animals.  We liked this trip so much, I suspect plans for a real African safari will someday be in the works.

Fortunately, no one got eaten by the cheetahs.  Heh.

On the way home, we stopped at a restaurant I used to frequent in high school.  It is an original 1950′s soda shop.  And by original, I don’t think they have changed a single thing in the past 60  years.

I think their chocolate malt may actually be the very best in the entire world.  I also got a fried egg sandwich for old time’s sake.

This has nothing to do with anything, but it appears that this is a Campbell’s Soup-making contraption.  Weird, no? Do people really go to a restaurant to eat a teeny tiny can of Campbell’s Soup?

Last but not least, on the way home we stopped an let adults (who seem to feel no shame about wearing Silly Bandz) punch holes in M’s ears.

It was a good day.

June 18th, 2010 | Category: All About Me, Lovely Little L, Marvelous Miss M, Mr. A, The Girls, There and Back | 4 comments

Books & pop culture & Toys

I am going to combine my answer to a couple different questions about books.  Thankfully, these were not too difficult to answer because while I was writing  L decided to have a 45 minute tantrum to prove that she IS NOT TIRED. I am so very convince now that she doesn’t need a nap.

Melissa asks:

I think you said you were reading the twilight books.  Did you like them?  Anything good to recommend, I need some new ideas.

Birdie asks:

i love pop-culture posts from just about anyone…read any good books lately?  what kind of music do you listen to if you’re by yourself?  movies?

also, what books, movies, music do your kids especially enjoy?  i’m always looking for new (non-annoying:) recs…

I love to read, but I am kind of picky.  I mostly read nonfiction (usually memoirs).  I like well-written fiction but I hate stupid fiction.    I was beyond shocked to discover I really, really enjoyed the Twilight books.  I know they aren’t great works of literature, but they told a compelling story.  They were a nice change of pace and I couldn’t put them down once I started reading them.

More recently, I read another book by the author of Twilight called the Host.  I liked it, but not quite as much as I liked Twilight.  I read the Hunger Games a few weeks ago and I absolutely LOVED it.  I have been #1 on the library waiting list for the sequel for TWO FREAKING WEEKS and I don’t know why they haven’t told me I can come pick it up yet.  I have almost run out to pick it up several different times, but I am trying to be thrifty.  It is killing me.

I keep track of all the books I read on Goodreads. Next to blogs and the free New York Times, Goodreads is the most useful thing on the internet for me.  I love to get the email notices telling me what other people are reading so I can add them to my To Read list.  You can see a list of all the books I have read since I joined and my rating HERE. Ooh, and that reminds me that I have really enjoyed many of the books in my Life as an Experiment category.  Especially My Year of Living Biblically and the Unlikely Disciple.

I don’t really listen to much music. I only listened to various kinds of electronic music in college so I got out of the habit of listening to regular music with guitars.  I have been enjoying the little wave of electronic dancey music on the radio lately (lady gaga, black eyed peas etc.) but I would rather listen to a book on tape than music most of the time.

I will watch almost any movie that doesn’t involve a lot of explosions or scary things.  I am pretty ambivalent about what I watch.  I am not easily impressed, but I am not that picky either.

_____________________________________________

Jen asks:

How is your husband’s work going?  Is a move in your future?  What types of toys do the girls just absolutely LOVE? Thanks!

Like any job, there are things Mr.A really likes and things he dislikes about the job he has right now.  He likes his fancypants title, but he doesn’t like sitting in meetings all day.  He likes working less than his old job, but he doesn’t like making a bit less money.  He recently had a case of his (without his name of course) on the front page of a big national newspaper and I think he liked that.  That is all I think I can safely say about his job.

Someday, we will move.  Probably not for a few  years.

Is it weird that my kids don’t have or play with that many toys?  L loves stuffed animals and playing outside with bikes and scooters.  M loves to read.  Sometimes they play with other stuff, but not that much really.  I keep getting rid of more and more of their toys and they don’t seem to care at all.
Next up: What Mr. A said about the waiting child I fell for and another adoption related question…

November 4th, 2009 | Category: All About Me, The Girls | 7 comments
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