Churches

Violet asks:

You talked before about the possibility of you and Mr A looking for a church you could both agree on. Is this on the back burner for now or do you think you’ll look into it? I’m wondering how important (if at all) you think it is for you and Mr A to have similar thoughts on this.

It has been a while since the church issue has come up around here.  For awhile there, it seemed like it was popping up over and over and over.  I honestly don’t feel like anything is missing in my life without church.  (Actually, I actually rejoice in the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere on Sundays.)

My personal feeling was that I didn’t want the kids to go to church unless Mr. A or I were with them.  Since I have no interest in church nor am I a Christian, that put the ball squarely in Mr. A’s court.  When the big church bruhaha was happening with my mom, Mr. A claimed he was going to take the girls to church himself so they could learn HIS version of Christianity not hers..  It has been about 2.5 years and so far, he has taken the girls to church exactly ZERO times.  Apparently he doesn’t care enough to do it either.  I doubt he is ever going to do it.

I am not asking his opinion before I answer this question because I don’t want him to get any church-going ideas in his head again.  I like having our weekends free.  If the girls want to go to church when they are older, I think we would probably take them to a United Church of Christ, Methodist or Unitarian church.  (My personal preference being for a pro-choice church).

The next time around.

Conversation at our house this morning after I uncharacteristically woke up in time to make everyone breakfast:

Me to Mr. A: Man, it the morning routine works a lot better when I get out of bed when the kids do.  The next time you are searching for a wife, you should screen better for Morning Person-ness.

Mr. A: And TIDINESS!

Me: Yes.  Your life would be a lot easier if you had a tidy, morning-person wife.  Take that under advisement the next time around.

Mr. A: At least this time  I did a good job screening for AWESOMENESS.

Me: So true, so true.

New Year Snapshots

Last week, Mr. A gave a Chinese New Year presentation to M’s 1st grade class.  I had mixed feelings about it initially, but after M came home from another parent’s Hanukkah presentation saying “Mama!  We learned about Hanukkah today! We at latkes!  It was sooooo cool.  I wish I was Jewish!!”, I changed my mind.  I decided first graders are probably pretty positive about new things if it is presented in a fun (and delicious) way.

So Mr. A went to school and did a presentation (I was there as a crowd control helper).   As the teacher introduced us, she said “This is Mr. A and Ms. AmFam.  They are Chinese New Year EXPERTS!”

At that point, M piped up: “My MOM isn’t an expert in Chinese New Year because her ancestors are from EUROPE!”

Mr. A read a couple books, made the kids kowtow for a chocolate coin filled red envelope, used a puppet to demonstrate a lion dance and taught them to use chopsticks to eat a big marshmallow.  We also gave them a cup of Mr. A’s famous noodles (aka long life noodles) and a M’s beloved Taiwanese shortbread cake. For the most part, the kids were great.  A few of them balked at eating unusual things, but the majority tried and liked the snacks.

My favorite comment of the class was made in response to one boy’s grimace and statement that he was NOT going to try that cake and it looked gross.   Another little boy said “Evan, you should try it!  I thought it would be DISGUSTING, but when I tasted it, it was DELICIOUS!”

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Yesterday, we went to China Day, which is a big festival of Chinese culture put on by a variety of Chinese organizations in our state.  In previous years, M performed her Chinese dance at that event, but since we are Chinese School drop outs, we could all relax this year.   After a thousand hours of incredibly boring speeches, proclamations, banner presentations, the girls enjoyed a lion dance and dance performances.

There were a lot of different cultural activities on the schedule.  My personal favorite was “How to guide your kids to study math.”   I pointed it out to Mr. A because I thought it was funny.  He failed to see the humor and was disappointed we weren’t going to be able to attend that session due to a scheduling conflict.

When we went to get a snack.  Mr. A saw the college students who performed the lion dance and went to talk to them.  He was hoping they might want to perform at a big fancypants  Asian Lawyer function later this year.   It turns out the lion dancer guys were members of a new Asian fraternity.   Mr. A asked several of them who he should contact to book them and they all just mumbled and shrugged.  Finally someone told him to ask Everett.

When he tracked Everett down, Mr. A introduced himself.  Everett did a typical frat-boy head nod to say hello.  Mr. A went on to explain about the fancypants Asian lawyer event, which caught Everett’s attention.

“Asian Lawyers?  Here in our city?” he said.

Mr. A said yes.

“You a lawyer?” Everett asked.

When Mr. A said yes, Everett immediately dropped his eye contact (which according to Mr. A is a sign of respect in Asian cultures).

Then Everett smacked his hand on his chest (kind of gang-symbol like), nodded his head again and said   “Respect, yo.”

Mr. A thought that interaction was seriously hilarious and repeatedly said “Respect, yo!” to me all evening.

Learning to Cook so Mr. A Can Eat

Way back at the beginning of Nablopomo, I had a few comments asking for more information about how I finally (after 12 years of being with Mr. A) learned to cook Chinese food.

I had tried to cook Chinese food for a long time, but it was TERRIBLE.  So bad that it was not surprising to me to work on a meal, take a taste and throw it away.  I thought all Chinese food was seasoned with soy sauce.  I had a vague notion that there also needed to be some corn starch and some stir-frying action.  I would saute up some veggies (probably frozen mixed veggies -gag!) and throw on some soy sauce and be shocked when it tasted like ass.  I was trying to replicate bad American Chinese restaurants, when I don’t even LIKE that food.

Then, last year I checked Fuchsia Dunlop’s memoir Shark’s Fin Soup and Sichuan Pepper from the library.  With that one book, I gained more understanding of Chinese food than I had gathered in the whole rest of my life.  I decided that 2009 was going to be the year I learned to cook Chinese.  For Christmas, I asked for and received both of her cookbooks for Christmas.

Oh My God.

The first dish I made was from the Sichuan cookbook. I think it was Homestyle Bean Curd (page 315). I tried to follow the recipe as closely as possible (though I didn’t deep fry the tofu, I boiled it and just mixed it in). At that point, I didn’t even know what chili bean paste was, but soon it was to become a major feature in many, many of our meals.   Who knew you were supposed to use chicken stock, not douse the dish in tons of soy sauce to make a liquid? It was a revelation.

Since then, I have tried recipes from both the books and I have discovered I prefer Sichuan style cooking more than Hunan style.  I have made Mapo Tofu, several kinds of dumplings, dan dan noodles, and a variety of meat and vegetable dishes.  All of them have been good.  Very good.

This isn’t to say there haven’t been mishaps.  After a few tries, I convinced myself I do not like Sichuan pepper, so I started leaving it out.  It wasn’t until some friends took me to an authentic Sichuan restaurant that I figured out how it was supposed to taste and that I could actually enjoy eating it.  Now I am experimenting with it again.  I also tend to tone down some of the spiciness if the girls are going to eat with us, or I just make an identical dish without chili bean sauce for them.

At this point, I have learned enough about the basics to start trying to replicate dishes I have had in China or in good Chinese restaurants that are not in the cookbooks.  Even though the spicing is different, the cooking principles are still very similar.

For example, tonight I tried to make Niu Rou Mian (beef noodle soup)  similar to the la mian (hand pulled noodles) Mr. A ate while he lived in Shandong province.  Those noodles were the very first real Chinese food I had ever eaten, so I have a certain amount of nostalgia for them.  Mr. A ate at a  little noodle shop almost every day while he lived in China, so he was eager for me to try it too.

I looked for recipes, but all the Niu Rou Mian I found looked  spicy.  The noodles Mr. A loved were plain, but came with chili paste and vinegar on the side.  Working with some recipes online, I created my own recipe.  While it wasn’t 100% the same as our beloved noodles, they were close AND they were yummy in their own right.  Now I know how to tweak the recipe the next time too.

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I guess the answer to the questions are: I found a good cookbook and I read about the process.  I tried the recipes. I liked them (and Mr. A loved them). so I tried some more.   Cooking Chinese isn’t hard, but it isn’t intuitive if you are used to cooking mostly Western-style food.

I have been thinking about trying a mini-project to cook more Chinese before the end of the year and posting the results here.  Mr. A is enthusiastically in support of that possibility, but I am afraid it might be boring.  I am not a food blogger.  Do you all really care what we eat for dinner?  Maybe I will give it a go as a side project, not as Nablopomo filler.   Maybe.

More kids for us?

Violet asks:

What did Mr A say about the little boy you found on the waiting child list recently?

I can’t believe I didn’t blog this.  When I found that picture, it was about 30 minutes after Mr. A’s flight to Wisconsin took off.  Before he landed for his layover in Detroit, I had left him three messages and a text.  This was the conversation we had when he called me back.

Me: Remember when we were talking to R & J (friends of ours who are waiting for their expedited referral)  last weekend about the wait for healthy kids? So, I made the mistake of looking at [our agency's] waiting child list tonight.  *IF* we were ever going to have another kid, there is a little boy on their list who would be PERFECT!

Mr. A: WHAT!?!?  I thought we were DONE?  You said NO MORE KIDS?!?  I had a vasectomy because you said no more kids!

Me: The vasectomy is neither here nor there.  No matter what, there are no more babies coming out of my body.  But IF we WERE going to have another kid, we would want a boy, right?  And this boy’s special needs are totally manageable and not a big deal!

Mr. A: Uh, this is not a discussion we should have while I am on a trip.  Can you wait until  I get home to talk about it in person?

Me: Um, well, what if I just call the agency tomorrow  morning and see if they have more information?

Mr.A: NO. Do not call them.  That is a bad idea. DO NOT CALL THEM until I get home.

Of course, the next morning I called.  Thankfully, that little boy’s file was being reviewed by another family who ended up requesting his referral.  I was both bummed and relieved.

Mr. A came home a few days later and we had a very in-depth conversation about more kids.  The end result is that I am pretty sure we are done.  While I am sure we could manage another kid if we have to, I don’t really want to go through that whole mess again.  Now that we have hashed it out a bit, every time I see people with small babies or children, I feel relieved it isn’t me.

Mr. A is also quite relieved.  His final comment on the matter?  “Wow, that dodging a bullet!  We just saved $300,000 on another college tuition!”

edited to add: I forgot to mention that part of me realizes the idea of another adoption would fill the Big Project void in my life right now.  Since we didn’t buy a new house, I don’t have any more big projects in the works.  While assembling a dossier and preparing for a new kid would definitely be a big project, lack of a project probably not a good reason to have another kid.  Instead, I am now kicking around the idea of a sprint triathalon.